This Isn’t What I Expected – Overcoming Postpartum Depression (13)

“Will I Be Just Like My Mother?”:  Working Through Intergenerational Issues” …

–  “Women, with or without PPD, discover that the birth of a child throws them into a crisis with their own mothers.  The crisis emerges as a result of the contradiction between your often powerful residual need to be mothered and your commitment to be a strong, independent, and yes, perfect mother to your own child.   Although the need to be “mothered” right now may seem regressive, if not ridiculous, most women who are honest with themselves do get in touch with some primitive desires to be taken care of during the first months after having a baby.  Some women can readily admit their desire to be fed, nurtured, held, and pampered during this time.  Yet, while these feelings are very strong, they are often opposed by equally powerful urges to separate completely and function independently.”

–  “Since having your baby, you may feel as though you are in a much better position to review some of the choices made by your mother and to make some generalizations about the way you want to raise your child.  Some of your mother’s choices were “good” choices (ones that seemed to have been in your best interest; choices that you might make today), and others were “bad” choices (those that perhaps did not work toward your own best interest; choices that you would not make today).  But unless you analyze the effects your mother’s choices had on you, you may not be able to distinguish between the two and end up either inflicting the same emotional wounds you suffered on your child or missing opportunities to bolster his strengths.”

–  “Most women never completely outgrow the need for approval from their mothers.  It seems that no matter how old we get or how grown up we like to think we are, most of us can admit that it always feels good to hear our mothers tell us we’re doing a great job.  Some women may never have heard that growing up, so they long for it now – their mother’s expectations were so high that no matter how good a job they did, it was never enough.  Other women may have been so overprotected and indulged that they have a hard time discriminating whether they have done something right or wrong.”

–  “More than one woman has confessed to us that she secretly wishes her mother could look over her should during the 3am feeding and sweetly whisper, “You must be so tired.  You are doing such a wonderful job.  I’m so proud of you.  You are such a good mother.”

–  “Your relationship with your mother is perhaps the most influential connection you will ever have in your life.  Within every mother-child bond there exist conflicting elements of unconditional love, support, nurturance, intimacy, separation, deprivation, overprotection, and abondoment.”

–  “No matter how desperately we try to do everything “right,” we are soon confronted by our own imperfect efforts and rely on the hope that our children will understand that we did the best we could and ultimately forgive us.”

–  “In many ways, a woman’s self-esteem is linked to her relationship with her father and how successful he was at communicating his feelings to her.  Many women complain that their father was not as available as they would have liked.  This was often due to social and financial pressures and cultural conventions.  Although this may be understood on an intellectual level, many women admit they continue to seek approval and acceptance from their fathers throughout their adult lives.”

~ by cmb0414 on June 14, 2010.

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